Eating Disorder Treatment Services

Addiction to Blame

Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he didn’t stop blaming her all the time.

Allen came to me because his 18-year-wife had threatened to leave him if he didn't stop blaming her. He admitted to frequently blaming her. He blamed her when he felt alone, when she made a mistake, or when he had a bad day at work. He chastised her for asking questions he couldn't answer. He'd even blame her for bad golf. He blamed her whenever he felt judged or didn't get her approval. He admitted he blamed her, but he couldn't stop, and he had no idea why.

As I talked with Allen, I realised he wasn't just blaming his wife. Allen constantly judged and blamed himself. “I'm such a jerk,” he would say to himself, “things will never get better,” “I'm just a loser,” and “I'm a big disappointment to myself.” This self-inflicted rage was never linked to his self-judgment. Instead, he yelled at his wife or other drivers on the highway.

Allen realised he couldn't stop blaming and judging his wife until he stopped blaming and judging himself. His dependency on blaming others stemmed from his self-abuse.

Allen had grown very self-indulgent in his thinking. He let his mind wander, never stopping to consider whether what he was telling himself was true. As a result, he constantly let his wounded ego self rule. And this part of him held all the lies he had learned in his 46 years.

That all his rage was directed towards himself for self-abuse shocked Allen. He was projecting himself onto others. He realised he was sensitive to others' judgments because he judged himself so harshly.

As we dug deeper into Allen's self-abuse, he realised he thought judging himself enough would make him do it "right." A tennis match taught him this wasn't true.

“I played last Wednesday and felt great. I was just playing for fun, not to win, and I had my best game ever! The next day I played my worst in a long time. I realised that after doing well on Wednesday, I wanted to do well on Thursday. I lost control as soon as I tried.

I'd like to stop, but I've done it all my life. So I stop.

Addiction recovery is never easy. Changing our mindset is difficult. There is a process, but it only works when you truly want to change. To stop abusing yourself and start loving yourself must become more important than controlling yourself through self-judgment.

Listen to your gut. Recognize your emotions such as anger, anxiety, hurt, fear, guilt, shame, depression, etc.

Rather than ignoring your pain, turning to substance or process addictions, or abusing yourself, make a conscious decision to learn about what you are telling yourself.

“What am I telling myself that makes me feel bad?” Once you're aware of what you're telling yourself, ask yourself, "Am I sure it's true, or am I just making it up?" What are you trying to control by telling yourself this?

“What is the truth?” asks the highest, wisest part of yourself, or an inner teacher or spiritual source of guidance. The truth will easily come to you if you truly desire it.

Think differently and tell yourself the truth.

Note your emotions. Lies make you feel bad, while the truth makes you feel good. When you are not at peace, go through this process to discover your self-deception. With practise, you will be more and more in truth and peace.

Eating Disorder Treatment Services

Eating disorder treatment is determined by the type of disorder and the symptoms you are experiencing. It typically includes a combination of psychological counselling or psychotherapy, nutrition instruction, medical monitoring, and, in some cases, medication.

Other health issues caused by an eating disorder must also be addressed as part of eating disorder therapy, as they can be severe or even fatal if left untreated for too long. If your eating disorder does not improve with conventional treatment or poses a health risk, you may require hospitalization or another type of inpatient program.

A systematic approach to eating disorder treatment can assist you in managing symptoms, regaining a healthy weight, and maintaining your physical and emotional health.